The time I was hired because I was actually menopausal

Or how a 'start up' needed a menopausal woman on the team and chose me

The interview had been on Zoom as many things were post-Covid. The woman who popped on screen looked 19 but I assumed she was the secretary of the big, male boss of the start up (I am not being sexist but it’s still true that most bosses are male, even in marketing) and then I realised that no she wasn’t the secretary at all. THIS WAS THE BOSS.

‘So what attracts you to our mission?’ she asked.

I shuddered when she said the word ‘mission’ as it made it sound like I was joining a religious cult and being asked to go to remote areas of the world and try and convert people. I was an atheist and only believed in God when things got desperate and I needed something. The company sold menopausal supplements and had only been going for a year. I had seen the word ‘menopause’ on the advert and it attracted my eye. Perhaps the fact that I was menopausal would be a benefit?

I had a bit of a bug bear about the ways in which brands targeted older women- often just sticking a grey haired lady on the front of the packet and putting something on about how it was ‘anti-ageing’.

Maybe the mission was to counteract some of these cliches?

‘I think the mission,’ I said pausing to consider my point, leaning in a little so that I could get better eye contact with Elizabeth who was the 19 year old founder, ‘The mission is about trying to better understand what older women need. It is about tapping into their needs and then delivering a product that can help them. I feel fairly passionate about this as I’m almost menopausal myself. I think I can bring that to the table you see. That understanding.’

Elizabeth flicked her long brown hair back and smiled broadly, ‘Yes!’ She exclaimed, ‘That is exactly what we need! We need a menopausal woman on the team who understands the challenges of menopausal women! We are a young team, I mean not that we’re age-aware or ageist in any way here but we need your expertise. We need to have your insights.’

I felt a bit like that puppet in ‘The Dark Crystal’ film who gets all the life sucked out of her so the evil monsters can stay young forever- a moment etched into my brain as a young child. The ‘menopause insights’ would be sucked out and I’d be left a dried out husk. However the interview was going well and the other woman whose face now came into view was smiling. I say smiling but instead it was more accurate to say - not frowning. Her smile was like the line of an Etch-A-Sketch with lips thin, almost non-existent. She had long, greasy hair. When I ran my finger across the tracking pad her name came up as ‘Paula’.

They were the kind of women that would be good to have in a war situation- they’d be able to kill the enemy without any guilty feelings afterwards.

‘Okay so what would you do with the ‘Gina,’ brand to make it more aspirational for older women?’ Elizabeth asked.

I looked at my reflection on Zoom. Why was it that I had to stare at my own reflection whilst being interviewed? It didn’t help that both of these women were so so young. Barely out of the womb. They were embryos interviewing a wise, old Buddha. I felt immensely tired but also fully aware that I was in with a chance because this was my fifth interview in a month and was the only one where my age would be seen as a ‘good thing,’ rather than a signal that I was ready for the glue factory.

‘So imagine we ask you,’ Paula said glumly, ‘to make some solid recommendations for Gina. So what would you recommend for our supplement packaging for example?’

The current packaging was bright pink and there was a yellow font. It was hard for my eyes to read the ingredients. I’d ordered a packet from their website the previous week, once they’d confirmed the interview. Also I’d noted that they only used much older women in the social media ads. These women were usually in their seventies. Whilst it was refreshing to see women more in my age demographic it still didn’t make the brand feel aspirational to women in their fifties like myself.

I paused to reflect on the best thing to say. The packaging was like Olivia Newton John in her ‘Let’s Get Physical’ video. It was naff but not in a good way.

‘I think the packaging could with a bit of a re-brand,’ I said carefully, ‘I think it needs to be made a bit more subtle. Also I’d think about the size of the font. Many women my age are losing their eyesight- I think it’d be great to have something more legible?’

Elizabeth looked at Paula. Paula sort of shrugged and her shoulders slumped. She whispered something under her breath which might have been - ‘Good point,’ or might have been ‘WTF!’ Were they lovers? They seemed intimate. Like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum but a Gen Z version who drank matcha latte and dressed in camel tones.

‘Yes,’ Elizabeth said slowly, ‘ I mean we want older women to feel that this is an aspirational product but we also want to smash the taboo around this menopause thing.’

‘Is there a taboo?’ I asked.

‘Oh yes a very big taboo around menopause. Nobody likes it,’ Paula said.

‘Yes well it is rather challenging. I don’t like it much.’

‘But it’s also liberating. I love menopausal women. So feisty!’

But the truth was she didn’t like menopausal women. Not REAL ones. She liked the ones that she saw in the ads- the bright and breezy ones, clutching neon handbags and wearing designer glasses and cackling at the joy of being menopausal. She didn't like the ones who said what they thought, who stood up for themselves, who set boundaries, who spoke back.

She didn’t like those ones at all.

Within a year I was spat out. Like a piece of menopausal chewing gum. Exhausted and grey. It took me a few months to recover, in fact I am recovering now still. The late night Slack messages. The meetings that were incomprehensible and unbearably tense because nobody knew what was going to come next. The desire to champion the menopausal woman by a group of employees who didn’t like menopausal women and their only reference point was their mums. The team quickly evaporated but Elizabeth and Paula carried on with a group of men on the team. The men were easier to manage and didn’t put up so much of a fight as the menopausal woman who had scarred them a little. They are still flogging a certain brand of menopause - one with Gwyneth on the cover and is all about limitless horizons and not giving a damn. A menopause that exists for a privileged few but isn’t the experience of many women I know.

Never mind.